Friday, 19 June 2009


This week has been really, really hard. I think I've been hungry every minute of every day, bar the 5 minutes immediately after each meal. Today I've had a bowl of variety pack cereal, a coffee, a tea and a diet coke and I'm FAMISHED (it's 11.30am). When will this get easier? When will my over-stretched stomach shrink and allow me to be 'normal'? I can't handle this constant craving and the physical PAIN of being so hungry but I can't eat any more during the day or this just won't work. I am tempted to weigh myself tomorrow morning (Sat) just to try and see how things are going. But then if I haven't lost or have gained it'll be game over and I'll binge, I just know it.

I hate girls with fast metabolism and good genetics. I hate leggy, thin-waisted girls who can lie in bed eating Dominos and not gain a pound. I hate girls who sit near me at work and stuff their faces with crisps and full fat sodas and resolutely wear size 8 jeans. I have been cursed both in the physical and emotional sense with food.

My father has struggled with his weight all his life. Aged 15 he weighed 15 stone and was put on a special diet to which he has adhered for the rest of his life. He never has butter or marg, he eats fruit 4 times a day, he eats grapefruit for breakfast, he never has fry-ups. My mum is vegetarian so his diet contains very little red or fatty meat. His only vice is a beer or a glass of wine at home after work. This is obviously the frugal existence I am going to have to endure because I am completely, but COMPLETELY my father's daughter. I am nothing like my mother (except in her tendency towards extreme worry and feelings of guilt). My brother on the other hand is blonde and slender like my mum. There's no justice.

This weekend I can hopefully keep myself busy and away from the fridge by starting to sort things out for my house move. I need to take things to the charity shop and pick up some boxes. Saturday night is my flatmate's birthday drinks, then Sunday I'm helping her carry home a load of stuff from Argos and she's in all day which will not allow me the secrecy to binge. This is a good thing.

Food for today:
Small bowl of cereal
Can of low fat soup
Piece of plain brown bread
Tesco low fat bar
Stir fry veg & noodles
Probably a couple of glasses of wine (first alcohol since Saturday)

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