Monday, 8 June 2009

Here we go again...

I need to lose weight. Again.

In the last 12 years I have lost weight over and over again, normally using Weight Watchers and have lost anywhere from 2 stone to 5 stone a time. Unfortunately I never attack the root cause of my weight gain, namely the emotionally-triggered compulsive eating, and only the symptom of it, namely my fat arse. This of course means that after a time, usually about six months after I reach my goal weight, the old habits creep back and I am once again bingeing, eating in secret, consuming entire blocks of cheese in an evening and drinking gallons of wine in a week.

Today I weigh 14 stone or 196lbs which is just completely disgusting. I am 5ft 9" (and a girl, by the way) which is good because my height means I do tend to carry the weight a bit better but I still have a soft little second chin, my upper arms are slung with bingo wings, I don't so much have a muffin top as a cottage loaf, my arse hangs generously off bar stools, my thighs are dappled with cellulite and I have Alan Partridge 'back fat'. I cannot wear nice clothes, I cannot expose my chunky calves or rounded shoulders when it's warm without feeling upset. I turn 31 in August and I do not want to hit my birthday weighing what I weigh now. I want to lose 2 stone by my birthday (11 weeks, figure 2lb a week, that's 22lbs, almost 2 stone) and a further stone after that. I want to be 11 stone by the end of this year, so I have roughly 6 months to lose 42lbs.

The reason for this self-indulgent blog is two-fold. Firstly, I figure it could be cathartic; sending out my little missives and general thoughts into the blogosphere could help me feel counselled in some way and it might help me work out the reasons why I overeat. Secondly, I want to be able to track my progress and feel motivated when I (hopefully) look back at what I've achieved. Since last summer I have tried repeatedly to start a diet and have failed every time. I am going to loosely base this on the Weight Watchers Points programme, because after 12 years of doing it, it's just part of my subconscious now, however I want to tweak it a bit. For example, I adore carbs to a quite ridiculous degree. White toast dripping with butter, jacket potatoes swimming in beans and cheese, steaming bowls of pasta smothered in chunky sauces and drifts of parmesan, mountains of creamy risotto... I want to avoid these and additionally shrink my portion sizes, another major problem area.

Hopefully this blog will develop into a genuinely useful, motivational exercise. I am at the end of my tether and frankly am a cheese baguette away from bolting myself into my flat and never coming out.

Food for today:
Small bowl of Fruit & Fibre with semi-skimmed milk
1 can of Tesco Healthy Choice tomato soup
1 Tesco Healthy Choice fruit bar (4pm energy crash)
Roasted veg inc sweet potato, olive oil, balsamic vinegar, half a low-fat mozzerella ball
Tea, diet coke

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